When we met in 2007, my wife and I were living 300 km apart.
She lived in Nimes.
And I lived in Toulouse.
For 2 years we lived a romantic relationship remotely.
Today, we both live together.
How could our relationship last so long?
Was it easy?
In this article I offer you 12 tips to survive a long-distance relationship and, even better, live this time fully!
Yes, it is possible to create a happy distance relationship.
And yes, it will take effort.
But the reward is worth it!!!
1 – Distance in love: ask yourself the right questions
It is important to clarify your relationship as soon as possible.
What kind of relationship do you want to have?
- a friendly relationship?
- Do you want the other to be your boyfriend?
- Do you want to get involved? get married?
What is loyalty to you?
Where does infidelity begin?
Do you want an exclusive relationship or not?
If all the answers to these questions seem self-evident to you, this is not necessarily the case for the other.
How do you see your future?
Would you consider moving if the relationship becomes more serious?
Are there things you are afraid to say to others for fear of not being understood or, worse, rejected?
This is the time to say this because the other must be aware from the outset in which relationship he is engaged in.
Do you have any personal plans?
It was my wife who had the courage to set the record straight from the beginning of our relationship.
I sincerely believe that this development is part of the good foundation of a relationship.
2 – Distance in love: keeping in touch
Of course, everyone tells you that in a remote relationship, you have to keep in touch…
Okay, but how? How often? And what do I say???
Let’s see how we can keep in touch?
Nowadays, the means of communication is really not lacking:
- The phone
- voice over IP like Skype that allows you to call via the internet for free,
- TEXT messages,
- MMS, messages to which you can add sound, images and even videos,
- Instant messaging with or without webcams,
- The letters,
- a bouquet of flowers,
- a package.
How often should we contact each other?
If this is not possible then call yourself as often as possible.
When I say to call, it means contacting either by phone or Skype: so orally!
If you can’t call yourself every day, give yourself a weekly appointment. For example, every Friday night book the evening just for the two of you.
It is very important to maintain this contact. This helps maintain an emotional connection.
These appointments help to create a framework for the relationship.
Let you know if you can’t call so you don’t worry each other.
Stay calm if your friend doesn’t call you anymore: a cell phone theft, a battery problem, a wake-up failure happened so quickly.
To avoid routine, vary the means of communication: an unexpected SMS, a surprise email.
It costs nothing and it’s nice: it means I’m thinking about you! 🙂
Also remember to send surprise gifts for no particular reason especially if it is your partner’s language of love!
For the record, I made my wife cry by offering her a camera sent via Amazon.
How long should I call?
Regularity is more important than quantity.
Sometimes you’ll have a lot to talk about and other times you won’t just have to tell yourself anything.
And that’s normal.
We will see in the rest of the article that it is possible to stay on the phone without necessarily having something to say to each other.
To give you an idea, I give you the habits we had when we were living our romantic relationship at a distance.
We called each other every lunchtime to find out how the morning had gone and what we had planned for the afternoon and evening. Duration: 5 to 15 minutes.
In the evening we would call to find out how the day had gone and to talk more. Duration: 30 minutes to 3 hours!
But what can we tell each other on the phone?
- Talk about your victories,
- of your defeats,
- your fears,
- of your joys,
- talk about your past, your present, your future,
- ask for advice.
Rest assured, not all discussions are necessarily profound.
They can also be fun, quirky or even naughty!
3 – Distance in love: positive
Yes, you’re lucky to have a long-distance romantic relationship!
With the remote relationship, you have several advantages over more traditional relationships:
- you have more time for your friends,
- you have more time for your family,
- you have more time for your personal projects,
- you have more time for your career plans,
- you have more time for your sports, cultural and leisure activities,
- you have more time for YOU!
- you have the pleasure of seeing you again after a long absence. When you are in a relationship, you tend to want to do everything together, which is a serious mistake: you choke and annoy each other, until sometimes you can’t even stand each other!
- you have time to think and don’t get carried away too quickly. This avoids getting carried away with the slightest badly received message: a dry SMS, a critical email,…
Remember that this remote relationship is temporary. You have decided what happens next from the beginning of your relationship.
Your positivism is very important because it blows an air of safety and happiness within your couple.
4 – Distance in love: do things together (at the same time!)
When you are a couple in the same house or the same apartment, you can do a lot of things together without really needing to be in the same room.
- watch the same movie on a TV channel at the same time!
- read the same book.
- listen to the same music at the same time. You can also make your music listen via your phone.
- Play a multiplayer online game.
- sing together!
- cooking together. Take a picture of your dishes and write down the best!
- set the morning alarm clock at the same time to wake you up at the same time.
Sync for certain activities and you’ll feel like you’re doing them together: running at the same time, shopping at the same time, etc.
A funny game to test tomorrow:
- synchronize your watches so they’re at the same time. It works with cell phones, too!
- set your watch to ring at a certain time: 6:27 p.m., for example.
- When it rings, think of the other.
- and feast on thinking that the other is thinking of you as !!! I see a smile on your face!
5 – Distance in love: trust yourself
Never call him to spy on him.
You have no right to control the other.
Give him his freedom.
Call regularly, every day is good and it’s good for the couple, but call every hour … No!
If you can’t help yourself, work on your self-confidence (because the problem comes from there) otherwise you risk choking the other.
Let your partner go to his parties and trusthim.
Don’t ask him a detailed report of his evenings: with he/she was? Who did he/she talk to? Etc…
In short, do not fall into the trap of sickly jealousy.
Be happy when he/she is having fun.
Don’t stop him from having a social life and take care of yours too!
6 – Love distance: challenge yourself!
Here’s a great way to wait until your next meeting.
- do 100 push-ups,
- reduce its consumption of cigarettes by two,
- learn how to make a rather difficult dish (it is likely that women know how to conquer a man: by the belly !!!),
- play a song on the guitar,
- lose 5 kg.
These challenges have two major advantages:
- make you wait until the next appointment,
- Motivate you to achieve your goals
7 – Love Distance: Build Your Future
Discuss your projects,your dreams,your couple goals.
How do you see yourself in 10 years? where? With whom? Children? In what environment?
This will give you motivation to continue your efforts for your couple because you know there is a future together and you visualize it!
8 – Distance in love: find strength.
Sometimes the trials of married life are harsh.
Sometimes you’d be willing to drop everything to see if the grass is greener elsewhere (nothing is less safe…).
To keep hope, courage and strength, remember the good times.
Thanks to the photos where you are together happy and smiling.
Create an album with you and your companion in your best moments.
Yes… he is beautiful, I love him and I want to continue to live with him.
Yes, she is beautiful, I love her and I want to continue living with her.
No, I’m not going to let this fight, this annoyance, this ordeal ruin it. We’ve had so many happy moments and there are plenty more!
My wife had given me an album with pictures of her and us. I loved watching him to remind me of my love for her, especially in my moments of doubt.
9 – Distance in love: find yourself
A remote relationship can only work if you can see yourself and really touch you.
Set together how often you’ll see yourself and stick to it!
Organize to meet yourself physically as often as possible.
The two main barriers to your appointments are:
There are solutions for economic travel: buy tickets in advance and carpooling.
That’s what my wife and I did for 2 years.
I recommend this site: www.covoiturage.fr/
Carpooling has several advantages:
- economic costs are divided by the number of passengers,
- fast: time passes faster because you can chat with other carpoolers,
- friendly: you’re going to meet people,
- convenient, the driver can pick you up and drop off at a location that suits you more than the train station or airport.
My tip to make life remote easier: Google diary.
This electronic calendar allows you to know what your free weekend is, what are the important appointments that the other has (doctor, maintenance, car repair, etc.) and therefore quickly find a weekend for both of you!
10 – Distance in love: your totem pole
Swap an object that you can touch, lookat, smell in order to remind yourself that the other is present in your life.
It is an object that reassures you and brings you closer to the other.
It can be anything you want:
- a jewel: necklace, ring, watch, bracelet,…
- a stuffed animal,
- one garment on the other: a T-shirt, a sweater, or… other
My wife had kept a T-shirt that I had left at her house. Me it was his photo album.
11 – Distance in love: the couple is a two-way effort
Work towards a balanced relationship between partners.
A relationship must be built on a solid foundation:
- and determination
to make it work.
Everyone must provide the same amount of effort.
Both partners must have reasonable expectations and be willing to cooperate so that the relationship leads to a happy outcome.
Don’t forget to ask questions.
If you don’t have one, the other may think you’re less interested.
12 – Distance in love: take care of your privacy
When you find yourself, make sure you are alone together in order to enjoy this special moment.
Don’t forget that you can share moments of intimacy remotely: by phone and webcam…
Do you live or have you experienced a long-distance relationship?
What tricks did you use to make your relationship last?
What were your mistakes?
Thank you for sharing. 🙂